Courage to Surrender Control
As a Collaborative family law attorney, I believe parties in the Collaborative Process must have the courage to surrender control to the process and let things unfold as they will.
It is a specific process where the parties do the following:
- Sign on to the process.
- Gather information about finances, about children, about shared assets.
- Creatively problem-solve by identifying issues, brainstorming options and discussing probable outcomes.
- Negotiate by comparing outcomes and narrowing options.
- Make decisions that meet the needs of both parties and of the family as a whole.
Trying to maintain control is like trying to keep a roller coaster on level ground. Once you surrender to the ride, you take the hills and crests and dips and plunges as they come, experiencing the ride fully until it ends.
We ask clients in the Collaborative Divorce process to trust this process, which, as
they move through it, may feel like a roller-coaster ride, with emotional ups and downs. But experience has shown that the process works, and it is the road map to a satisfying resolution.
The need to control is borne out of fear and anxiety. Those emotions can be managed and even subdued. It takes courage, though, to imagine a different path, a different approach, a different outcome.
It takes courage to accept what is rather than fall into the depths of despair over what might be.
We can control how we respond to the ride – because we’re on the journey either way.